I Am Completely Loved

When you look at me on the outside I may appear like any normal person, full of life, energy, and a zeal for my God Redeemer. I have served overseas in a third-world country for 5+ years, bringing light to dark undesirable places. I may appear like I have life all figured out, always taking the next step confidently, never looking back, and going forward in ministry, yet……

…I still struggle.

I know, that I know that I know that God chose me and has called me to be right where I am. Yet I lose sight and long to quit at times.

I am completely confident that God will always be faithful, even in situations that look and are dauntingly impossible. Yet I sometimes falter.

I believe with all of my heart that God is and always will be completely enough, even when everything else is taken away. Yet I still desire more.

I know without a shadow of a doubt, God still loves me when the world hates me. Yet I still long for the love and approval of people.

God lifts me up and mends my shattered heart when I am rejected and my heart is broken. Yet I struggle to forgive those that hurt me.

.

.

.

Why then do I struggle so much when I know that God is always enough, He loves me completely, and is unfailingly faithful?

This is a question that I have kept asking myself over and over.

Then God reminds me, that I am human, I will have human struggles. I will stumble and fall, but I don’t have to be captivated by my failings. I can turn all my failings back to Jesus and just rest in Him, knowing that He has completely and fully paid for my sins and failings at the cross and that I am complete in Him.

Even when I want to quit, He gives me the strength to take the next step.

Even when I falter in my faith, He says, just focus on me my daughter.

Even when I desire more earthly pleasures, He displays to me that He is enough.

Even when I long for the approval of people, He looks me in the eyes and says, I approve of you.

Even when I long to be loved by people, He doesn’t accuse me.

Even when I fail, He reaches down and picks me up.

Even when I struggle to forgive, He turns my eyes toward Calvary.

Even when I am tempted and fall into sin, (albeit He will rebuke me) He still loves me.

Even when I don’t get everything done I needed to during my day, He stills whispers, it is enough my child. Well done.

Even when I am unloving toward Him, He still reaches out and wraps me in His arms.

Even when I may not pray enough, He is still Omnipresent.

Even when I can’t focus on my devotions, He still is Truth.

.

.

.

He remains the same today, yesterday and always, I can never do anything to change that. He will not change because of anything I do or don’t do.

After all it is all about Him; not me and what I can “do” for Him.

 I only need to stay my eyes on Jesus and everything else will flow from that. It is not about me trying to be better, do more and fail less. It is about staying focused on Jesus. When my eyes are focused on Jesus everything else will fade into the background. It won’t matter whether or not people approve, because Jesus’ opinion is the only opinion that really matters anyway.

 Not matter what I do, will do or don’t do I am completely and fully loved. He is love and I am loved by Him.

A New Direction

Greetings,

 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

As I write this, I pray that you are well and that the grace and peace of Jesus may rule in your hearts.

First of all I want to thank all who have prayed for me over the last several years as I have served in Nicaragua as a missionary. I am very humbled and blessed when I think of all those who lift me up before the throne of God on a regular basis. Without these prayers and petitions to our Savior on my behalf, my life would not be as it is today. So from the bottom of my heart; THANK YOU!!!!

 I also want to thank those who have supported me financially and made it possible for me to stay and serve in Nicaragua. Your support has helped more people than can be known, and I firmly believe God will bless each individual who has given for His kingdom to be advanced. Thank you!!!

I also need to ask you all to forgive me for not staying in better contact the last three and a half years. I could make a lot of excuses but they would all end up being just that, excuses. 😖 I will try to step it up and keep you more in tune with what God is doing in my life and in the lives of those I am ministering to.

Since coming to live in the Miskito territory about 4 years ago, life has been very difficult and intense, yet these years have been so beautiful and cram-packed full of God’s provision, protection, peace, and joy. Although these may have been some of the hardest years of my life, they also have been the best- constantly keeping me on my knees before my God and King who is the only one worth living for.

The most awesome thing to me is that these years have taught me just how worthless and fruitless everything is without God. What would I be today if it hadn’t been for His saving grace, grace that not only saved me, but constantly spurs me to step deeper into His sanctifying and holy presence?

A year and a half ago I returned to the States to visit my brother and take some time to rest and re-energize after some difficult months. At that time I really felt a heaviness on my heart and an uncertainty on what God had for the next step in my life. I still helped with the medical part of the mission some, but had gradually stepped back from full nursing responsibility, with the coming of a Nicaraguan nurse. I had a strange feeling that much was coming to an end, and I didn’t know what was next for me.

While I was in the States, several godly people whom I respect greatly, encouraged me to check into nursing school. At first I was very reluctant, but at the urgings of several different people, I checked into a few community colleges about the possibility. (This is a dream that I have had since I was young, yet never pursued due to finances.)

After returning to Nicaragua, I began really seeking God, refusing to take a step forward until He gave me a clear word to go.  After months of praying and waiting, God revealed to me that going to nursing school would be a good thing and I wouldn’t do wrong in going, but He had something else for me at this time in my life. Glory to God, what a joy it is, waiting and listening for His voice!

As I continued serving alongside my family in the ministry, I began really seeking to deepen my relationship with God. As I sought His will, I gave the next step into His hands and focused on where I was called to serve until then.

One afternoon last October, as I was reading God’s Word and praying, He spoke very clearly to me, “Return to the States, and teach young ladies what it means to love Me and follow Me wholeheartedly.”

After arguing about it in my mind for a few minutes, I realized this was the voice of God, giving me clear direction on His next step for me. In that moment excitement and joy filled my heart. This was it, this was where God was leading me! This is what I had been praying for, yet again fear gripped my heart. Return to the States to live? A culture that I have not been a part of for over 5 years? How do I even begin? What will it look like?

After working it through my mind and heart for a few days, I shared with my family what God was leading me to do. After I shared, they all gave me their hearty blessing, and I want to tell you, that is a beautiful blessing to receive.

In the days that followed, I began prayerfully drawing up the one-on-one discipleship plan. During the three or four month discipleship program, a young lady will live with me at a small apartment south of Licking Missouri. The first two months will be an intense time of Bible study, prayer, reflection, and digging deep into the truths of God and His design for the nations, as well as partnering with local ministries, focusing on serving wherever needed.

The final month will be spent in a foreign country, alongside missionaries, joining in their daily lives, experiencing the struggles and joys of serving Christ, and holding up their hands. The goal is for young ladies to find complete security and satisfaction in knowing God’s incredible love for them, and that their identity is hidden in His caring hands.

I don’t know how it will all look, but I know this: God called me and I am His servant. He only asks me to be willing to say yes to whatever will bring Him the greatest glory.

Lord willing I will be returning to the States at the end of August to start up Footprints of Christ discipleship program.

If you want to be involved in Footprints of Christ through prayer, encouragement, or monthly financial support, please email me and I’ll provide you the needed information.

May God bless you tremendously.

Your sister and co-laborer in Christ Jesus, Mary

Loving Hurts

“Loving someone doesn’t hurt”, I hear it all the time.

Really?

Then why does my heart have so many scars?

Why is it then that every time I open my heart up and love someone that I end up hurting?

Why is it that every time I love someone enough to accept them into my family, all they do is turn around and stomp my heart into the mud and walk away.

Why has my heart become callused and it longs to never open up and love again?

Why then does the heart that is beating within me throb every time I see a desperately lost adult begging for some hope?

Why do tears fall and my heart squeeze in pain when I see a hungry child dying because it has nothing to eat?

When a teenage girl finds out she is pregnant and drinks poison to kill herself because she has a father that tells her every day that he wishes she was dead. Why does my heart bleed?

Why do I cry when I see a mother give her baby away because she knows it will die of malnutrition if she doesn’t, because the father uses every bit they have on his next drink?

Why does my heart cry from pain within me as I watch a grandmother beat her grandchild with no reason or commonsense because this is all she has ever seen and felt?

Why does my heart scream in pain as I hold a dying baby in my arms watching it helplessly slipping away, powerless to do anything except pray for the grief stricken parents who only one month earlier watched the twin to this one die?

Why? Why? Why?

Because I love…. because I care…. my heart has scars that are permanently there never to be erased… only because I love!!!!

I have thought many times that I will not open my heart again only to have it shattered into a million pieces. Never again will I let it happen that way, “I will be kind and nice but I will not give my heart,” why? because it just hurts too much. It hurts more than anything to have your heart ripped out so carelessly and without thought.

It hurts to see a world of suffering through the eyes of love.

It hurts to love the unlovable, for my heart will be broken again and again.

It hurts to love those I know will only turn around and slap me in the face.

It hurts to open my heart and trust someone only to have it crushed in return.

It hurts my heart to sit and helplessly watch sin ruin someone’s life because they don’t want to turn to God.

It hurts to give my everything for a little girl only to see someone else carelessly destroy what was so carefully built.

How can I continue?

How can I love?

How can I care?

How can I keep stepping forward?

Why do I even care?

What drives me to keep loving when I know my heart will only be broken again and again?

What does it matter anyway?

Then I remember, have I not done the same to Christ Jesus again and again.

 Did he not die for me for no other reason than that he loved me?

Yet I, in my pride and arrogance slap him in the face over and over again as I walk away from his love, when I refuse to listen, when I say careless things to another one of his children.

I break and mistreat the heart of my Holy Savior. The one that came and gave His everything for me, His LIFE.

But God so loved the world (me) that He gave his only begotten Son that whoever (if I) believes in him will have everlasting life. John 3:16

Yet,

He still continues with me,

He still loves me,

He still cares for me,

He still keeps taking me forward,

Why does He even care about me?

What drives Him to keep loving me when I break His heart again and again?

LOVE drives Him!!!!! For “LOVE ALWAYS HOPES”

He LOVES me enough to keep at me, changing me little by little.

He LOVES me enough that He will not quit till I am what he wants in me.

He LOVES me so much that even if I turn my back on him HE WILL NOT give up on me.

He LOVES me so much that regardless how many times I break His heart He will still keep loving me.

He LOVES me so much that He DIED for me!!!!!:

How can I claim to be his child and do any less for those around me?

If He lives in my heart how can I refuse someone love that so desperately needs it?

How can I shut this love up inside myself and act like a greedy child when he put that love in there to be given to the lost and dying world around me?

How can I refuse to love the unlovable when He loved the unlovable me?

How can I in turn not go to a lost and dying world that has never even felt or imagined what love is or might really be?

He is the author of Love, I am His instrument of Love.

He created me to carry His Love to those that are the most dirty an unlovable.

The Love that He has given to me is not given so I can keep it to myself.

He has shown me great love, so that I in turn can show love to the ones He loves.

This is the reason he created me and Loves me.

Yes, my heart will be broken, shattered and crushed till I think that I can love no more.

Yes, my heart will cry and scream as it bleeds in pain.

Yes, I will wonder if I will ever be able to love again with an open heart.

Yes, it will be harder than anything I’ve ever wanted to do.

Yes, I will do it with a willing heart, for if I don’t reach these broken loveless lives no one else will.

How can I do any less?

These are the ones he has given me.

This is His purpose for loving me, to love the unlovable through me.

How can I do any less?

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 
  
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 1 Corinthians 13:1-10

1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: Faith, Hope and Love.

BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE…..

THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE…..
THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE….   

Lord help me always love with a love that ALWAYS HOPES.

Mary Lee

My Family

I am working alongside these wonderful people :)

 

 

For more info about our ministry you can visit our website: http://www.religiontorelationship.org/