Reflections

“Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:23-26

As I reflect on the last six years of my life in Nicaragua, I am totally in awe of what God has done in my life.

Never at the age of nineteen, could I have imagined or dreamed the journey God was taking me on. Immature, insecure, and a bit frightened, yet full of a passion and zeal to follow God wherever He led me; I came to Nicaragua.

It is been a journey where all that I clung to and believed in was shaken, sorted, and sifted, to take out all false beliefs/idols in my heart. It is a journey that shook my reality and led me to the rock that is higher than I.

He used it to change the very core of who I thought He was and has helped me see Him in a real and tangible way.

He took all my fanciful ideas and dreams and smashed them before my eyes so He could reveal Himself to me more clearly. He took me deep into His heart, and let me feel His heart-beat for humanity. He let my heart be broken so I could feel the pain He feels when people destroy themselves.

He has helped me know that He IS always with me and that He does take hold of my right hand and guides me with His counsel. The more He teaches me and draws me into Himself, the more I can say that the earth has nothing I desire besides Him, and even though everything else around me may fail, He is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

So, as I return to the States, six years later I pray with all of my heart that my life will forever be used for His glory, regardless of where I am at, or what I am doing. Whether in things seen or unseen, may my heart stay so focused and tuned to His that I will only bring glory to His beautiful Name and never my own. May my life story be that which only reflects His character and beauty.

May I never be the same, LORD God, use me for your glory.

“My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast;

I will sing and make music.

Awake, my soul! Awake harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn.

I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.

For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth.” Psalm 57:7-11

The LORD—he is God! The LORD—he is God! 1 Kings 18:39

I Am Completely Loved

When you look at me on the outside I may appear like any normal person, full of life, energy, and a zeal for my God Redeemer. I have served overseas in a third-world country for 5+ years, bringing light to dark undesirable places. I may appear like I have life all figured out, always taking the next step confidently, never looking back, and going forward in ministry, yet……

…I still struggle.

I know, that I know that I know that God chose me and has called me to be right where I am. Yet I lose sight and long to quit at times.

I am completely confident that God will always be faithful, even in situations that look and are dauntingly impossible. Yet I sometimes falter.

I believe with all of my heart that God is and always will be completely enough, even when everything else is taken away. Yet I still desire more.

I know without a shadow of a doubt, God still loves me when the world hates me. Yet I still long for the love and approval of people.

God lifts me up and mends my shattered heart when I am rejected and my heart is broken. Yet I struggle to forgive those that hurt me.

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Why then do I struggle so much when I know that God is always enough, He loves me completely, and is unfailingly faithful?

This is a question that I have kept asking myself over and over.

Then God reminds me, that I am human, I will have human struggles. I will stumble and fall, but I don’t have to be captivated by my failings. I can turn all my failings back to Jesus and just rest in Him, knowing that He has completely and fully paid for my sins and failings at the cross and that I am complete in Him.

Even when I want to quit, He gives me the strength to take the next step.

Even when I falter in my faith, He says, just focus on me my daughter.

Even when I desire more earthly pleasures, He displays to me that He is enough.

Even when I long for the approval of people, He looks me in the eyes and says, I approve of you.

Even when I long to be loved by people, He doesn’t accuse me.

Even when I fail, He reaches down and picks me up.

Even when I struggle to forgive, He turns my eyes toward Calvary.

Even when I am tempted and fall into sin, (albeit He will rebuke me) He still loves me.

Even when I don’t get everything done I needed to during my day, He stills whispers, it is enough my child. Well done.

Even when I am unloving toward Him, He still reaches out and wraps me in His arms.

Even when I may not pray enough, He is still Omnipresent.

Even when I can’t focus on my devotions, He still is Truth.

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He remains the same today, yesterday and always, I can never do anything to change that. He will not change because of anything I do or don’t do.

After all it is all about Him; not me and what I can “do” for Him.

 I only need to stay my eyes on Jesus and everything else will flow from that. It is not about me trying to be better, do more and fail less. It is about staying focused on Jesus. When my eyes are focused on Jesus everything else will fade into the background. It won’t matter whether or not people approve, because Jesus’ opinion is the only opinion that really matters anyway.

 Not matter what I do, will do or don’t do I am completely and fully loved. He is love and I am loved by Him.